Another Day at Dialysis

by David Goldman

I decided that today’s entry would be written from the dialysis center since that’s where I spent close to four hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I’ve been in three dialysis centers in the four plus months since I developed the need to have my blood sucked out of my body, run through a filtering machine, and pumped back in again. This one is the nicest and the main reason is the people who work here. There’s Sheila, a Filipino nurse who sings Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. And she sounds good! There’s also Vera, the Russian tech who’s picked up a good deal of Yiddish from one of the patients. Give her a hard time and you’re likely to hear, “Kish mir in tuchas” which translates to “kiss my ass” But it’s always said with a smile on her face! They’re all SO nice all the time and they work really hard. They’re on their feet all day long running back and forth and dealing with, well, sick people.

Before you get all grossed out from hearing about the dialysis process, I have to say, it’s really fascinating. Currently I have a temporary port in my chest. It’s on my right breast (a couple of inches above the nipple if you want to get personal). It consists of two tubes that just dangle down about three inches and each has a cap at the end and a clamp above it. Think of a smaller version of those cow milking machines you’ve seen with tubes that latch onto the cow’s udders.

When I first arrive, I get put on a scale that looks like an industrial meat scale. It’s a metal platform built into the floor and a box on the wall with a digital readout. I’m told it’s an extremely accurate scale. I have no reason to doubt their word on this.

I get weighed and that figure is compared to what’s called my dry weight. My dry weight is what I weigh with all the excess fluids sucked out of me. I usually gain between 2 - 3 kilos. Remember about 30-some years ago when we were going to change to the metric system? Dialysis centers fell for it! Yeah, they use it! For the rest of you, 2 – 3 kilos translates to 4.4 – 6.6 lbs. The reason for the weight gain is that when your kidneys fail, you don’t pee or don’t pee much. Consequently, you retain fluids. They see how much I’ve gained and know how much fluid to remove to get me down to my dry weight. It works better than a Slim-Fast shake or liposuction people. Take that Jenny Craig!

Next they hook me up to the machine, set it to suck off my excess fluid, set the time for three and a half hours, and hit the start button. My blood flows out of one tube, into the machine, through the filter that removes the toxins from my blood, and back into me. It’s kind of like a car wash for blood. See, fascinating!

During the time I’m there I usually read, check emails, and play a game or two. They do have little flat-screen TVs for all the patients and wireless Internet access so there are options. I notice a lot of other patients sleep. The treatment makes a lot of people tired but it doesn’t affect me that way. I’m not sure why this is. Perhaps it’s the woman whose snoring is on par with an air hammer. I might snooze for 15 or 20 minutes but that’s about it. The time passes slowly, that’s for sure and I do a lot of clock watching. But I always remind myself that there are far worse things to endure.

No complaining from me.