by David Goldman
I don’t know what it is. Maybe
it’s today’s society. Maybe it’s the abundant social media giving everyone the
ability to broadcast to large numbers of people, or maybe something else, but there
seems to be an awful lot of complaining going on these days. I see and hear it
all around me almost every day.
“My back is killing me.”
“Oh, you have no idea how bad
my head hurts.”
“Something’s not right with my
stomach.”
“It’s too damned cold here.”
Okay, that last one has been me on numerous occasions. Don’t get me wrong. I’m
not saying that your back, head, or the sixth toe no one knows about on your left foot doesn't hurt. I’m not saying your pain, discomfort or sickness isn’t real.
And I’m certainly not saying it wouldn’t be great if it was 74° and sunny every
day of the year in Chicago. The thing is, while all of these are true,
complaining about them does absolutely no good. Really! You can complain all
you want about something and it’s not going to change that pain one bit. Not
even one miniscule, teeny, weeny smidge. Look, it hasn’t changed anything yet,
right? And I don’t know about you, but I for one, am sick and tired of hearing about it.
Yes, I know that was a complaint. It’s a joke people! Get it?
Really though, I don’t know if
it’s just today’s world, a generational thing, or if it’s always been like
this, but it seems that you can’t talk to people without encountering someone
complaining about something. Maybe it’s a function of age. Most of the people I interact with, whether in person, on the phone, or via social media, are approximately
my age and our bodies are into the breaking down stage. But every time I hear or read a
complaint I wonder what complaining is supposed to accomplish.
I know, I know. At this point
you’re thinking, what an a$#hole! He’s
complaining about complaining! Yeah, I am, but please read on.
On the other hand, I recently
read a couple of Facebook posts that were in their way the polar opposite. One
was from Lauren, a friend who recently had a kidney transplant. She posted that
she had her scheduled checkup with her transplant doctor and everything was
going great and just wanted to say how grateful she was. I don’t know Lauren very
well, but this woman is a young mother of two boys and had spent almost two and
a half years living off of a dialysis
machine. Yet, during that time I don’t remember her ever posting anything that ever
sounded like, “why me” or “this isn’t fair.” Most of her posts were pictures
and updates of her kids and her family celebrations – happy, joyous moments and
positive thoughts.
Another post was from another
young mom. My friend Beth was diagnosed with stage
4 breast cancer about a year and a half ago. While she was never given a real
prognosis, the situation was not good. It was too late for surgery and she
underwent grueling chemotherapy and eventually, things started looking better.
Then, they weren’t. So she’s going through chemo again now. Actually, she has
been having chemotherapy treatments
since this began. Her doctor told her she’d be undergoing some form of
chemo for the rest of her life. Her post? She was just wondering what her
friends’ favorite desserts were. She wasn’t asking people to pity her. She
wasn’t looking for sympathy. She is always positive and was wondering
what kind of fun dessert she and her family should have that night. And that’s
typical of her. When she’s received bad news – devastating news, she might take
a little time to absorb and process it, but then she continues living her life.
I’ve asked her if she’s scared. She says she sometimes is. But being scared and
complaining are two very different things and she knows complaining will
do absolutely no good.
A lot of people who could learn
some serious lessons from these two women.
This brings me to the point of
all this. It’s a suggestion. Try to go a day without complaining. Just one
day. Why? Because I honestly think it will make you feel better. Once you say
it, type it, or somehow convey the complaint, it’s out there and it represents
you. You might be fine with that and everyone around you might also be
(although they probably aren’t). But going a day without complaining just might
make you feel better. How do you know, you ask? Good question. Because I try to
do it myself. It’s something I’ve tried to do for a long time.
In the summer of 1978 I was
having eye surgery and I was feeling very sorry for myself. This surgery was a
last ditch attempt to save a bit of vision in one of my eyes that over the last
year had gone completely blind. The odds were I was going to lose that eye and
about half the vision in the other eye. So, I complained about it. I felt it
was unfair and it put me in a generally unhappy frame of mind. Just before I going
in for the surgery I was talking to another patient who was probably about my
age. I asked him what he was having done. He slowly turned his head, looked at
me and said three words that truly changed my life:
“Malignant brain tumor.”
I was instantly ashamed of myself. Here was someone
in his early 20s at most, fighting for survival. No matter how my surgery came
out I knew I’d at least be alive. I also realized that was all that really
mattered. From that point on I promised myself I would try never to complain,
no matter what life threw at me.
Have I stuck to this vow from many
years ago? I’ve tried. I’m far, very far, from perfect about it (or anything
else. Just ask anyone who knows me.) But I’ve tried to stick to this one promise
I made that day. And you know what? It has really helped me. I’ve had my fair
share of medical drama and issues, but every time I’m confronted with a new
one, or an old one rears its head, I think of that guy laying on the gurney
next to me and I remember it can always be worse. Maybe I’m weird, but I find
that comforting. So whatever it is that’s bothering you, that pain, that stomachache,
that condition, remember, it can always be worse.
Try it for yourself. For just
one day don’t complain. I bet you feel better.
And if you don’t believe me, ask
Lauren or Beth.
